The Piece That's Left Behind

Sometimes I find myself relearning old things… especially in faith. I look back at things I wrote at fifteen, seventeen, or twenty-one years of age, and I realize that my young self wrote the exact words my twenty-four-year-old self would so desperately need to hear. This was a week when I couldn’t help tearing up as I reread the things my younger self wrote. And so… I choose to share those (while slightly updated) with you.

In the summer of 2018, I wrote about the concept of, “the piece that’s left behind.” Scripture gives us so many beautifully described examples of goodbyes and reunions. Consider Jacob and Esau - whose twin status had barely survived quarrels, thievery, and death threats. Yet, when reunited decades after their separation we are told (in Genesis 33) that they fell into an embrace, weeping. Meanwhile, Ruth and Naomi - not your stereotypical mother-in-law/daughter-in-law relationship - were so grieved over the possibility of a goodbye that they stayed together because to part would be unbearable. Indeed, Ruth’s words to Naomi are so powerfully relational that we often hear them quoted at weddings, “Where you go, I will go, where you stay, I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God, my God.” (Ruth 1:16).

Ponder, with me, the sheer hopelessness the disciples and followers of Christ must have felt over being parted from Him, only to experience such sheer joy when He returned! The story of Jesus and Mary Magdalene in the garden, after the resurrection, is perhaps my favorite picture of Jesus in all of Scripture. Jesus, the loving, caring, teacher/gardener, who knows our names, sees our tears, and stands right beside us, calling us out of misery and into a relationship with Him!

And when Jesus does leave earth He sends back for us the Holy Spirit, to be strengthened and led by. In the story of the Gospel, it is the Holy Spirit that is that very, ‘piece that’s left behind.’

As a deep lover of life and a cherisher of memories, the hardest time for me is always any season of goodbyes. I have often said that I find every spring to be bittersweet, because while the start of new life and a prequel to summer, it is also the end of another school year… which means more goodbyes for this forever-academic. I feel, in the very depths of my heart, even the smallest goodbyes.

This past month has been chock-full of reminders of just how much I do not like goodbyes. Earlier this week we buried what remains, this side of heaven, of my dear Nana. Though we know she is finally in the presence of our Lord and Savior, the pain of the goodbyes, and the loss of hellos stings my heart. I do not like goodbyes.

A big piece of my heart feels left behind whenever I say goodbye to someone. I feel goodbyes deeply… they hurt, deeply, even if only for a season. I anticipate goodbyes, and endings, so strongly that at times even when I do begin something or say that ‘hello,’ (like at the beginning of a school year, or a new season) I am already anticipating the coming goodbyes. I have never, ever, ever liked change.

And change, for sure, has come. After nearly three years of getting to be my Nana’s “roommate,” my room now feels ever so quiet and still. Sleep is not easy. Rest, harder still, to come by. Amid a season of final exams and inherent stress, I did not need another reason to feel the goodbyes. Isn’t spring when I feel those, anyway?

But I am reminded, by my 20-year-old-self, that I do not believe I have ever met a single person who truly likes goodbyes. No, I do not even believe I know someone who truly loves change, likes to leave seasons of life or likes getting ‘left behind.’ And I think I know why…

Dear reader, maybe the reason we shy away from change, are anxious over goodbyes, and eagerly anticipate reunions, is because we were made for an eternity with an unchanging, eternal, God. We were made for a place where there not only are no more tears but… no more goodbyes! A place where change is not inevitable, and there is no dread of it in the future. We were created for a never-ending relationship, that is unchanging in steadfast love. How beautiful is that?

You know, probably, by now that Hebrews holds many of my favorite verses, including this one: “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul.” (Found in my last post… see a theme?) That hope keeps us steadfast even through the goodbye seasons, because we know that there is a better season coming - one of a future with Him - a future my Nana is already getting to experience - where there are no goodbyes, no losses, no times apart from Him. An eternity is ahead of us, where the puzzle is complete, the picture is clear, and the heart is full, for there are no pieces left behind.

Love, Jessica